a swirling vortex of confusion

last night dream put connor, dustin, beth, and myself back in cabo. we were all on the beach watching the international cartoon x-games, where bart simpson was leading the u.s. team. i don't remember which country it was, but it wasn't us, but they built this crazy machine that was super long, and on one end there was a giant hoop which was really a fan that whirled air around in it super quickly, and then pushed down the rest of the length of this thing. each of the twenty or so team members from this other country stood in line, taking turns going up to the fan loop, and vomiting into it. the cartoon barf was swirled around , mixing with dust and sand, which of course turned it all into water, and created a giant spiral wave tube thing, which all of the x-game contestants then proceeded to surf.

it was nasty and cool all at the same time, but it turns out that this other country cheated in some way. while the judges were debating on what to do, our little quartet decided to go up to the cabin next to our resort, where a giant party was raging. it was a nudist party, which is pretty much exactly like a regular party, just that everyone is completely nude. so we're all , doin our thing in the buff- with the exception of trenton, who made a brief cameo in this dream, at the party, fully clothed and looking super uncomfortable talking to a bunch of dudes he didn't know. we all head downstairs, with the exception of beth, who's run into a friend and stays in the kitchen.downstairs is the entertainment room where a movie's playing. connor's off doing his socializing thing a little bit away, and trent's up in the kitchen, but i'm tired, so i decide to use dustin as a pillow. and as i'm thinking "isn't it great that dustin and i are such great friends that we can just lay here completely naked and there's nothing sexual about it" when all of a sudden, he's kissing me, and then i'm realizing he's kissing me, and i'm pushing his face away, and connor's storming off all pissed, and i'm yelling "what are you doing!?!" and dustin is slowly turning into turk from scrubs.

so after my initial protest dustin/turk starts being all "no, i've been thinking about this, and i really think that we could work really well, and i think we should get married."

my response: "well, shouldn't we give this a try for at least a week or so before getting married?"

turk/dustin does not agree. he thinks we should get married right away. so, we head down to the below basement basement, where an entire wedding party is already set up for me.

by this time turk is fully turk, complete with green scrubs and everything, and scrubs' carla is there being my maid of honor, and i'm in a fairly hideous snow queen 80's wedding dress, walking down the isle toward a catholic priest, surrounded by baby aspen trees covered in twinkle lights. but instead of the traditional vows, turns out i'm basically signing a contract saying i'll honor and obey turk to the end of my days, and i guarantee to bring about as many children as he decide's he wants.

but here's the catch- i'm not actually physically capable of having children, i'm completely barren. when turk finds this out, he goes completely nuts, and he's hitting me, and i'm running away, out of the nudist party cabin, and back out onto the beach where the cartoon x games are being held.

remember those?

well, since the whole cheating debacle, everything at the x-games has just been blown into a giant whirlwind of riots and chaos. and i hate riots and chaos! so i hightail it out of there, into the town, where i run into my good friend dallin. and i'm surprised he's there in cabo, until he explains to me that we're in a gay pride parade. so i join him in the parade, and am having a grand old time, when i realize that in addition to the normal rainbow banners, there also a ton of purple flags with one red stripe and one orange one. i'm wondering about this new flag, when i see a whole slew of reporters going around interviewing people about the 'silent partner' flags. apparently these flags are a secret symbol of support from people in high ranking positions of power who don't quite feel comfortable publicly supporting gay rights, but that doesn't mean they don't support them. i'm wondering how this will stay a secret symbol if it's going to be broadcast all over national television, but then as i look around, i notice that both the new flags and the faces of all the owners of the flag are blurred out, so no one will be able to tell anything about it if they aren't there.

and that's when the puppy woke me up.

sometimes i wonder how far my crazy dreams will go if i'm allowed to just go with it, and sleep and sleep until it's over!

Drag Queens, Shower Sewing Caves, and So Many People!

Let’s start off with a fancy schmancy dinner party/theatrical production. I’m sitting there with my new gay best friend, who I’m just meeting for the first time and who doesn't have a name but is fantastically well dressed, and he’s so excited cause it’s his boyfriend’s directorial debut, and I’m going to be SO excited when I figure out what they play is! But he won’t just tell me, he wants to see the look of joy and surprise when I first realize what it is.

The curtain goes up, and who is standing there but a 7 foot tall, red headed Frankenfurter. I am, I’m joyous. The Rocky Horror Show! I love it! And not only is Frankenfurter a giant, his identical twin brother is playing Rocky. They look exactly the same, crazy facial hair, costuming, everything, except Rocky’s hair is bleached blond. I think playing up the twin thing is a weird costuming choice, but meh, sometimes people just have different ideas, and it’s still full of singing, dancing, and drag queens. I’m in heaven.

Then, at another long banquet table, I spot my mother sitting there with my two youngest sisters, and I’m not so sure how child appropriate this play is. I mean, I wasn’t allowed to watch Rocky Horror until I was 16, even though I fell in love with it on my 13^th birthday when I discovered its existence, and here’s Robin, watching it at twelve? Oh well, I guess my mom’s the mom, she can let her kids do whatever she feels is best.

After the play, I was running into so many of my favorite actor friends at the after party, that I was ok with the fact that I had been separated form Best Friend and his boy. I even ran into my friend Jon, who I was so excited to see, since I had seen him in a play a little while back, and hadn’t been able to stay after the show to speak with him. We were just settling down for a nice chat, when all of a sudden I find myself in my parent’s kitchen.

And it is pandemonium in there.

There are sisters and Kraczeks and nephews and nieces all over the place! There is a big game of Castle going on, where one of the nephews and one of the Kraczeks are in cardboard box suites-of-armor, and there are several princesses, and the littlest nephew is a dragon, and he’s running around ‘ROAR’ing at everyone and giggling in delight, as the knights try to vanquish him and the princesses scream and run away. I'm pretty sure Zoe was stuck in the cardboard castle they'd made, somehow she'd gotten in, but couldn't get out without breaking it, cause it really wasn't Zoe sized. Kind of like in Alice in Wonderland, when she goes into the house and then eats that cake and turns huge.

And sitting at the kitchen table is my Connor, who I haven’t seen in so long, and I’m so happy to see him! But he’s helping some Kraczek brothers make pancakes, so I leave him be and go off in search of my mother.

Guess where I find her? In my old shower, which she has turned into a sewing room. Up until this point in my life, I’d never noticed how large and cavernous my shower was. It easily fits my mother, her sewing machine, and her boxes of fabric, at least 10 times over. Oh! And my puppies are there! And we wrestle for a minutes, cause we’re always excited to see each other. After wrestling, I look up to see my mom fitting Robin into a dress while chatting away with Julianne, who’s son is upstairs being a dragon, and instead of interrupting (i’m not into interrupting throughout this whole dream, it seems), I go out of the shower, and find my old closet, where I have a ton of clothes I need to go through and see which ones I still need, and which I need to give away. Here, I come across my favorite grey pants, which just don’t fit me anymore. Back into the shower.

I was going to offer these pants to Julianne, but then I realize that M'Recia is there as well, and she'd fit equally well into these pants! So I go off in search of another pair of ill-fitting pants to share with my other friend. I find some! And back in the shower/sewing room, they fit Angela perfectly.

Yes, M'Recia turned into Angela. That happens in dreams sometimes.

All of us girls are now talking and giggling, and then for some reason, it's just Julianne and I outside of a coffee shop in the most colorful part of downtown Salt Lake. All of the buildings in this corner of town are set up like building blocks, super colorful building blocks. And we’re going to a coffee shop to meet with my friend Dallas, who I haven’t seen in forever! Probably because he’s moved to New York, but he’s back visiting, so we’re all getting together in this most colorful back alley. When we actually meet up with him, Dallas says that he’d love to go get coffee still, but only after he shows me something, so we walk around the corner to a giant costume shop. Turns out, the reason he’s in town was to see Rocky Horror, which he was going to the next night, because a really good friend of his had done all of the costumes for it, and Dallas had thought I would enjoy looking around his shop.

Which I totally did.

There was so much to look at, frills and ribbons, and fluffy skirts everywhere! And there was a definite Drag vibe going on- probably from the whole Rocky Horror, sweet transvestite thing. It was a blast. And then off to coffee. And then back to my parent’s house.

My parent's basement hallway to be exact. I'm basically teleported there, and I pretty much run smack into a boy. But not just any boy- Trenton! I hadn’t realized it, but it’s August, and he’s come back for his birthday! I’m so excited to see him, I give him a big ole kiss. That’s when I realize his face is really gaunt, and his whole self looks tired and worn and stressed. But I don’t dwell on that for too long because TRENT’S HOME! I run up the stairs to tell everyone, and everyone’s already there!

Kaden and Brayden and Jadryn, and all of those ‘en’ names, as well as Derek and Val, and all of the Becks, including old Stephen- not mission Stephen, and Danielle, and Kelsey, and Devan! Devan took leave from the Navy to celebrate Trent’s birthday with us! And everyone who was previously in the dream, they’re there, and their families are there.Even Cassidy and Trevor and Julie, who don't even know Trent are there to celebrate. Just so many people.

And looking around, I realize the only person who’s missing is Connor. But then some arms wrap around me, and basically everything is perfect. Everyone I love is in one room.

And that was my epic dream from last night.

The Art of Girliness

my shower is currently being used as a drying station for random articles of clothing that i've spray painted.

great use for a shower, by the way.

anyway, this means that every time i've walked into my bathroom this morning, i've been greeted by a fluffy, lacy, pink and white underskirt i made last night. it's joyfully sitting around, waiting to be put under a skirt that's equally girly. and the prospect of wearing this adorable article fills me with joyful anticipation.

now yesterday, a friend of mine asked me who my dad's tom boy was. i told him it was me, like i always do. but within the last twenty four hours i've come to realize that this is not necessarily true.

ture, he did teach me how to throw a football and to hit a baseball when i was a kid. he did teach me how to play basketball, which i would actually be pretty good at if i were competitive or could run at all. i am the daughter who goes to all his sci fi movies and bloody war movies with him when he wants company.

like that one time when everyone went to 'my prince and me'. gag. we watched 'hell boy'.

that was awesome.

i'm the daughter who wears men's clothing on a regular basis. 90% of my friends are guys- congrats to those 3 girls that i actually consider friends- and there have been many occasions when i've needed to remind those guys that i am, in fact, a girl.

early in my life, i caught on that to be gentlemanly, you open doors for others. you use manners. you help your mother with things like taking out the trash. he taught me that real men know how to dance, use handkerchiefs, take pride in their appearance, and stand up for what and who they believe in. and i've tried to live all of these things i've learned from my father.

but absolutely none of this makes me a tom boy. it really just makes me a giant daddy's girl.

my dad has always been the coolest guy i've known. growing up, i totally idolized him. he knew all the coolest music! in high school he was the lead singer in a band! and he had a motorcycle, and he had peirced his ear! my dad was tall and powerful, and super strong! he gave the best, safest hugs. he traveled the world, and he was the smartest person i knew. i mean, he knew absolutely everything!

and my dad is still one of the coolest people i know. now, we don't always get along. i now realize he's not perfect. i think i realized that one somewhere around age 10. occasionally, i have a question he can't answer, and i'm sorry to say that i've outgrown him. his hugs aren't quite so utterly and completely safe anymore. but he is still the only person who can make me cry. which i think might be a good thing. i need to feel things on occasion. it's healthy.

i secretly love watching football with him. but not because i enjoy the football. i just like watching him get uber excited over great plays. i love listening to him yell at the players.

i love how my dad taught all of his girls to be strong and independent.

sometimes i feel that us gals have forgotten how to be ladies with the whole feminist movement. that just makes it so i love that my dad taught me how to be a gentleman even more. i feel that not only does it help me to be a better person, it also helps me to truly appreciate when i meet a gentleman in my life.

today, i'm planning on spending a quiet day in salt lake by myself. i'm dressing up, doing my hair, putting on a skirt. i'll be fun and flirty looking. a complete girl.

and i'm going to be the complete gentleman that my father taught me how to be.

for all of you men who don't have as amazing fathers as i have, here's a site for you to check out:

http://artofmanliness.com/